Botany
Artist Statement
If you walk into my bedroom, you will see heaps of dried flowers. I keep them because they each represent memories. Some are from memorable days like prom, and graduation. Others are from just regular days; a really good day, after a fight, a funeral, and happy days with the man I love. My favorite flower was once orchids, but like many things, they became tainted with bad memories.
After I moved to Raleigh, left one relationship and started another, got a new job, I was reflecting on the changes I have undergone in the last few months. I also realized, somewhat symbolically, that after 20 years, orchids were no longer my favorite flower--Peonies are. I began painting these peonies as a testament to my new life and the person I get to become with it. A version of my life has ended, and a new one begun. I have loved orchids for the past 20 years, but now things are different. I don't love them like I used to. I'm not the person I used to be. Now I love peonies, and I am someone new. But that doesn't mean that I let my memories escape me, so I keep them as dried flowers, and try not to let them burden me.
There are people in my life, though, whose lives have ended and they will not renew again. In the past six years, I have lost seven friends to suicide and addiction. As I painted these peonies, I thought about the chances I have had to grow past my pain and renew my sense of self. I thought about the people that didn’t have the chance to do the same. They will live solely as memories. They chose to leave, and that was their final choice. Now their life on earth is left in the hands of those who loved them, those who choose to remember them.